I Love You, But I'm Not In Love With You

"I Love You, But I'm Not In Love With You."

One of the most emotionally damaging sentences in the English language.  Women may not come right out and say it in those exact words though.  It may be disguised as "It's not you, it's me" or "I just need some space to figure things out".    Either way it has the same meaning.  Also by the time a woman actually says something like this to you, she's been feeling like this for a while and she has already told her friends and possibly family members.  Usually everyone will know what's going on EXCEPT you.

From time to time I like to share books that I've read that have helped me make the transformation from "Nice Guy" to "Not So Naive Guy".  One of the BEST books I can recommend is called the Married Man Sex Life Primer by Athol Kay.  ALL men should read this book, but in particular married men, or men in long-term relationships.  Let's see what Mr Kay has to say about this subject:

Having your wife tell you "ILYBINILWY" (I love you but I'm not in love with you) is about the largest red flag that your relationship is in trouble.  A woman can have minimal "in love" feelings for the husband and just coast along for years with no apparent cause for concern.  But once a new man enters the picture who flips her dopamine switch on, things can unravel between a wife and her husband very quickly.

So when a wife tells a husband ILYBINILWY that usually means there is another guy she has feelings for.  Not only that, she usually is trying to actively find a way to exit the main relationship and enter a new relationship with her love interest.  To put it bluntly, what she means by saying ILYBINILWY is some combination of "I'm leaving you for him", "I'm thinking about having sex with him", or I'm having sex with him but I still want to live with you, is that okay?"

The other reason a wayward wife may say this is because it is a delaying tactic to avoid the husband acting pre-emptively to end the marriage, kick her out, or take other action against her.

Take note guys, when a woman says any of these phrases to you she already knows she doesn't want to be with you anymore, she's just stalling for time so she can figure out how to exit with the least amount of resistance.   

Dating Women With Kids

I'm going to get slammed for writing this, but I don't care....

If you're in your 30's and 40's, most of the women you are trying to date will have kids.  Now understand that there is nothing inherently wrong with dating a woman who has kids.  Do understand however, that the life of a step parent isn't going to be like an episode of the Brady Bunch.  Marriages where step kids are involved are almost twice as likely to fail than most "normal" marriages.  I'm not here to preach about whether you should or should not date someone with kids, because there are plenty of other resources out there for that.  I'm going to approach this from an entirely different angle.

Now most women who have kids aren't going to have a tremendous amount of free time.  There's soccer practice, dance lessons, band practice, and hundreds of other activities which will eat up your prospective date's time.  So lets say you start dating a woman with kids.  Things are going great, as she has plenty of time to go on dates with you, watch TV, and all the other things two people who are dating should be doing.  You start thinking to yourself that this is awesome, because of course she's giving you all the sex you can handle.  One question you should be asking yourself:

Where the hell is her kid????

See most guys are just happy they're finally getting a steady supply of sex, and this question never crosses their mind.  If you've been dating a woman with a kid for a few months and it seems like she always has time to meet up with you, or is always at your house riding you like a rodeo cowboy, there's something wrong with this picture.   Seriously wrong.   As a matter of fact this should be a huge red flag.  How is it that she has all this free time to spend with you when she has a kid to raise?  Once again, I know what you're thinking.  You're thinking you've got this sex goddess giving you more pink taco than you've had in a long while, why should you care where her kid is?  I'll tell you why.

First off, if she's spending all of that time with you, that means someone else is having to raise her kid.  It could be her parents, grandparents, another relative or friend...but the bottom line is that somebody else is stuck taking care of HER child while she's rolling around the sheets with you.  This shows a tremendous lack of responsibility on her part.  This lack of responsibility usually manifests itself in other ways too.  The women who are too irresponsible to take care of their child are the same ones who are too irresponsible to keep a job for any longer than a few months, are always behind on their rent, (if they're not sponging off of mom and dad) and they're always broke.

I know.  I know.  You love getting a constant supply of booty, so here's the part where you'll make excuses for her.  "The father has custody of the kids, that's why she doesn't have them often."  I'm about to burst that bubble as well.   We all know the court system in most countries will side with the female parent when it comes to custody of the kids.  Unless a mom walks into court with a needle dangling from her arm while she smokes a joint, it's pretty much a forgone conclusion on who is going to win a custody battle.

So in other words, you pretty much have to be an absolute asshole of a mom in order for a judge to award custody to a father.  Even then the dad's chances of winning are slim.  So if you're dating a woman and her ex has custody of her child, she's probably a piece of crap lowlife, or she wanted nothing to do with her kid in the first place.

You say you still don't care?  Let me throw this at you.  What if you get her pregnant?  Who do you think will be taking care of that kid once it's born?  If you don't know the answer to this, hold up a mirror and take a long stare.

That's right, you will be raising that kid by yourself.  She will have moved on to the next chump while you're stuck at home changing diapers.  She'll be out wasting her money on nightclubs and having fun while you're trying to figure out how you're going to afford daycare.  Now do you get the picture?

If a woman has a kid and she doesn't have custody or is always able to meet you at a moments notice....

Run.

Just run.

Run as fast as you can away from that loser because don't want anything to do with a mom who doesn't care about providing for her kids.